Hard question to answer? It can be huh… You matter! Honestly you should be asked how you are more often. Sadly that isn’t always the case or possible. So here I am asking you.
-I am also here to say to you and I –
Getting back on topic, I thought I would stop by to say Hi. While giving an small update. I’ve thought other then just talking about what is going on around me and in the world, I’d talk to you about myself and some thoughts that I’ve had.
Where do I start… Hmmm. I am not in depression, tho I’ve been there before. Although sometimes I feel like I’m dancing on the edges of it constantly. Yet, I am always having to be on guard, staying strong looking for those silver – linings…
Which reminds me of a passage in the Bible. Stay with me please even if you don’t belive. I’m not trying to sway you. I am a beliver in Christ, yes. Even if you are not, I wanna ask you to have an open mind. I wish share something that has helped me. Maybe it will help you. Maybe not… Please at least read the blog post in its entirety. Thanks.
Psalms 23 <KJV>
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
I’m not gonna dissect the whole thing. However, I feel it’s important to share the full character. What I want to talk about is this part- “Walk in the shadows of death, I will fear no evil.” I didn’t fully understand what the shadows of death meant for many years but now I feel like I do. I remember it like yesterday. I almost ten years ago, I was driving through a canyon. It was a sunny day out but the canyon cast a complete shadow over the long road that I was driving. Then suddenly it clicked for me. To me, that verse meant constantly surrounded by death, yet not dead. Not to be morbid, but true…
My life kinda drives that point home. I’ve had so many near death and serious life threatening situations; due to heath as well as just living.
Do you want a current example being surrounded by the threat of death. Many people would say covid (whatever you want to call it.) is right now the major death threat. Many would also say that it is everywhere and its breathing down our necks constantly… It is a threat in so many ways. A perfect example for my topic. We try to live on but everywhere and everybody effective, affected, and talking about it. Why… Due to covid our lives have been turned upside – down and inside – out. Why? Because the threat of death is scary!
This post isn’t about covid tho. I am just trying to make a point the fear of death is truly scary. You never bern afraid of death before, never had it thrown inbyour face so dramatically. Lets be real death is scary point blank! No matter where your faith lies. And- if – when your always afraid of it – then you’re not fully living…. That verse Psalms 23:4 points out the true fact Death is everywhere constantly threatening. To me that suns up depression pretty well too. Depression is a sickness based on fear, self worth ect… Always there hiding in the shadows waiting and wanting to attack! That sums up a lot actually.
With that said, It has not been easy for me to open up, let alone write for quite awhile now.
I haven’t been depressed, but I’ve been in the shadows of depression. For over a year now honestly. Not just because of Dad, but other things as well. I haven’t even touched my books in months. If you know me and follow me, you know how important they are to me. It has taken me weeks just to write this post. I have been emotionally and a bit physically feeling like I am running on fumes- out of gas.
Depression, fear, anxiety, and emotions, seems to been running rampant. Fear, especially of the unknown, is really trying to take center stage. For a while it was successful at it. Not just for me, for so many otheres, I know and some I love, as well peopleI have briefly crossed paths with. Fear is a powerful enemy. Just as depression, loneliness and self-worth. All the above is more powerful now then ever… These stresses’ can really wipe you out, and severely damage your life. Not just mentally and emotionally, but also they can be physically crippling. I do not say that lightly. 😒
Usually its best to go talk to someone. I’ve got God, Jesus, and The HolySpirit. For that. This is my go to verse, the one I live by. “The Devil comes to steal, kill and destroy; but I come to bring Life and to bring it Abundantly! –John 10:10 Along with “I am the good Shepherd; the good shepherd sacrifices his life for his sheep” –John 10:11
= Jesus. Jesus is my Shepard. So I will fear no evil, like Psalms 23 says. Even when it gets gets hard.
Personally I am just trying to adjust to a new lifestyle and re-figure out my place and goals. While I get through the grieving process of loosing my dad, my dog and our cat last year. I do not like to mention or talk about the rough hardships nor how negative it gets and feels at times. I don’t like to be weak or show weakness. But God showed me it is apart of the growth process and I needed to write about it.
That way I can help others like me maybe, you. I bet I am not the only one who feels down, and stressed too. But keep fighting for yourself, keep looking for the silver linings in life. They may be small but they can have huge impacts, if not now possibly later. Either way they’ll encourage you to smile even if its just for a moment. Trust me. I know. That one smile is a small step towards more smiles.
I remind myself everyday of all the accomplished and stuff I have been through.. which is a lot… Also that I have a purpose and I owe it to God, myself and my loved ones to stay positive and to keep smiling through it all. Especially when I don’t feel like it. I suggest that you also remind yourself of your own accomplishments big or small. Along with your survivals as well… I highly recommend you build yourself up especially when you don’t feel like it.
Here’s a few pictures to briefly recap some of the hardships that I have lived through.
These images are proof if I can survive this I can get through the current and forthcoming temporary challenge too.
Its hard for me to be vulnerable. I truly try to stay tough and cheerful. But when I don’t express myself I end you ferling worse then before or have an emotional moment. I tried to keep all the moments captured in images correctly ordered. It is a little hard to do via my cellphone. Sadly lost a lot of pictures due to computer and phone issues. Including the involuntary removals from social media sites. Thus, I don’t have many online anymore. I’ve learned that you just have to make the best of what you have. Easier said then done, I know… A lot of theses pictures are from previous blogs I’ve written. Some I may not have covered here but in preson, but will in my books. Don’t forget thatI and my mothe. Have some Video blogs on www.deeplyrootedinhim.net
Now here are some more positive memorable achievements and moments from my life so far…
This is not all I’ve survivied or accomplished. I don’t have the time or space to go over each event. I have years worth of posts here from instagram and Facebook as well. For you to read if you really want to know more. I promise to keep working on my books; those which I pray will change and help your life in a positive way. Not every day is promised so all I can do is give you the best I can and trust God with it.
I realized in doing this post just how much I’ve gone through and how little I’ve opened up about. Repression always cones out in some form. Sometimes not in the best complimenting ways. Thus it is better to talk about what goes on and what you neded. You matted. Don’t take the people in your life for granted, and open up to someone.
We are not alone. I have friends, family, and a wonderful man. Even if i was by myself I have my faith in God. I see Jesus as my bestfriend. With the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, in my life. As you do too if you so desire. That gives me and you a reason to keep moving forward.
I wake up and thank God for a new day. One full of possibilities and chances to spread love -joy, be productive, and spend time with the ones we care about. Its not always easy for sure, but its better to try then give up. My passion is to spread love and joy. To encourage you that you are treasure. That you are loved and mattered especially to God.
Here are some places you can reach out to if you don’t know who to talk to or don’t want to discuss anything about it with people close to you…
The mental health issues related to our lockdown and the pandemic are especially hard for people with depression. NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness have a 24 hour helpline: 800-950-6264
NAMI offers support and education programs for families and individuals living with mental health conditions. NAMI recognizes that the key concepts of recovery, resiliency and support are essential to improving the wellness and quality of life of all persons affected by mental illness.
〰️Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
First off let me say sorry for not being on Facebook or any social media much in months. I just really needed some me time off line, and off the computer. I will be working on that tho.
Guess what? 🛩I am off on another adventure! I didn’t think I’d be traveling again. Especially so soon… 🚗 Wow! 🙉
I was asked to join my sister this time on her work trips. I will be away for about a month. I feel really blessed to be able to travel so much. I get to visit some of you and some new places as a bonus.🤝 Exciting right.! 🥳 I am overwhelmed and looking forward to it immensely. I left home yesterday and will be back sometimes mid November. I already miss my dog.
I also plan to take this opportunity to get some writing done. ✏🗒 I’ll have an abundance of inspiration 🤩 and some quality quiet time. I already spent six hours doing so today. It took a while but I finally got the equipment, I needed for my Mac. After losing my work due to update malfunctions, human error, and again for some unknown reasons… I’ve had a hard time getting into writting again. This time around I’m gonna be extremely overprotective of my work. 🔐 I am very determined to finish theses books! I think they will be better then before, because of the passion I have. I am putting all my heart into theses books. When they are done I hope you will enjoy.
Life is to short to let opportunities slip by. I wish I had done a lot of things differently. I did some really great things in my past so it’s not all discouraging… But I shouldn’t dwell on the past.🤭 I am who I am because of that past. I am pretty awesome too!😋 Thus, I am gonna be brave and not let fear hold me back from making the most of life. I will have courage and not hold back. I will trust God and make the most of what I have while working towards my dreams and goals. Remember- people are precious to me, especially those who I am close to. Just because I’m working on me doesn’t mean I’ll stop caring about you! 💕
👱♀️I feel I leaned a lot and grew in may ways on my last trip. I look forward to seeing the results and enjoying this one as well. I better get to sleep now.
Take care and be safe! God bless you today and always!
Well, who else would it be? *giggles* I have good news. You can watch the video or scroll past and read below. The video is only about two minutes long.
My blood levels are almost exactly where they need to be… The Spinage did the trick and you could say my PT/INR was re-set. Now it should all be fine. I go back in two weeks to make sure. Woot!
Other than that I am still cleaning… Sadly – my place was a mess, but not worthy enough to be on one of those hoarder shows. You know what I am talking about right? It wouldn’t take me so long expert I am going through every little thing and throwing stuff away or setting aside for donations. Along with that, I am sorting through my computer files looking for lost books and stuff I need to organize again. While I take care of pets, run errands, update social media and of course write. I was sick for so long I am way behind where I want to be so I am working hard to catch up and making sure I am not overdoing it. I am not the night owl I used to be, as I get stronger I will be back in full motion. Keeping a smile on my face helps. Life is stressful enough… I wanna spread smiles not stress! I am working hard to stay positive but at times it is overwhelming.
I am an author by definition, how I live my life and how I treat it is like one would treat a book being written. Authors are people too. Just like actors and singers. I wanna keep it “real – down to earth” as some may say. I want to show you that no matter how hard things get. You can survive this and you are not alone!
Also, yes I believe in Jesus, I do not believe I would be alive if it wasn’t for him. LITERALLY! There have been so many close calls… I talk about my faith here and there, it is my blog/website after all. As a writer, it just comes out because it is part of who I am. Yet – I will not force my faith on you. I believe in Love. Love can make a huge difference! I believe Jesus died for everyone – no matter what race, gender, or choices you make. Jesus loves you. John 3:16 It is up to you what you do with that knowledge. It is not my place to tell you what to do. It’s your life and your choice. I do want to say tho – Miracles are real, You are loved, and you are not alone if you don’t wanna be. Someone asked me once what if Jesus and God were not real at tge end… I answered: “If they aren’t that at least I choose to live with hope and it gives me strength believing there is some out there with me and looking out for me. I do believe that they are real tho 💯.
For one- The Bible says in the book o John Chapter 1 verses 1-6 (NIV) 1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God,(B) and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
Furthermore, there’s evidentiary proof all around. My life is also proof. I am constantly profounding Doctors.
🤔Someone asked me what my goals are for this month. after thinking about it for a few days here is my answer…. I’m going to keep it simple.
〰️My goals for the next few months〰️
📌 Write for at least two hours a day.⏳📝📇💻
📌Finish Spring / Summer cleaning.🛍🍃🛢
📌Finish A book or several books.🧝♀️✍🗂📚
📌Keep in contact with people💌💕
📌Work on Blog and A Novel Life LLC.
1. Ran errands.
3. Cleaned House
4. Spent time with my Love.
5. Spent quality time with mom.
6. Read emails.
7. Worked on a book.
<I think I’m starting to get the feel of my mac>
8. Made important phone calls.
9. Did some PR.
10. Cleaned the apartment some…
I would sure love a bowl of that right now.. Mmmm Tomato soup, or Tomato with rice soup, Cream of Mushroom, and Clam Chowder are the soups I like most. However Cheese and Broccoli soup, Potato Soup, and French Onion are good too.
Anyways.. Before I have to go to the store…
I went to work on one of my books 2 days ago and could not find word 2007 anywhere I panicked.. I did a search and every thing.. It would not let me open any of my books! So I took a deep breath and stayed off the computer for the rest of the day. The next morning I tried again, with no luck… Out of frustration I shut off the power and walked away… A few hours latter I tried again and there it was! That was so weird… The same thing happened to my moms computers… I think it was a bug..
I have been sick the past few days, I can’t seem to find the right copy of my book. (bad me for saving it 4 times in 4 diff places) It is probably on my desk top and not my laptop anymore. I will have to look in the morning..
It has been a long week and I am going out of town this weekend… I really need the get away… I want some peace and quiet… It is funny for the past two weeks I have done nothing but wanted to sleep and my body is fighting that but it has been great for writing though.