Hard question to answer? It can be huh… You matter! Honestly you should be asked how you are more often. Sadly that isn’t always the case or possible. So here I am asking you.
-I am also here to say to you and I –
Getting back on topic, I thought I would stop by to say Hi. While giving an small update. I’ve thought other then just talking about what is going on around me and in the world, I’d talk to you about myself and some thoughts that I’ve had.
Where do I start… Hmmm. I am not in depression, tho I’ve been there before. Although sometimes I feel like I’m dancing on the edges of it constantly. Yet, I am always having to be on guard, staying strong looking for those silver – linings…
Which reminds me of a passage in the Bible. Stay with me please even if you don’t belive. I’m not trying to sway you. I am a beliver in Christ, yes. Even if you are not, I wanna ask you to have an open mind. I wish share something that has helped me. Maybe it will help you. Maybe not… Please at least read the blog post in its entirety. Thanks.
Psalms 23 <KJV>
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
I’m not gonna dissect the whole thing. However, I feel it’s important to share the full character. What I want to talk about is this part- “Walk in the shadows of death, I will fear no evil.” I didn’t fully understand what the shadows of death meant for many years but now I feel like I do. I remember it like yesterday. I almost ten years ago, I was driving through a canyon. It was a sunny day out but the canyon cast a complete shadow over the long road that I was driving. Then suddenly it clicked for me. To me, that verse meant constantly surrounded by death, yet not dead. Not to be morbid, but true…
My life kinda drives that point home. I’ve had so many near death and serious life threatening situations; due to heath as well as just living.
Do you want a current example being surrounded by the threat of death. Many people would say covid (whatever you want to call it.) is right now the major death threat. Many would also say that it is everywhere and its breathing down our necks constantly… It is a threat in so many ways. A perfect example for my topic. We try to live on but everywhere and everybody effective, affected, and talking about it. Why… Due to covid our lives have been turned upside – down and inside – out. Why? Because the threat of death is scary!
This post isn’t about covid tho. I am just trying to make a point the fear of death is truly scary. You never bern afraid of death before, never had it thrown inbyour face so dramatically. Lets be real death is scary point blank! No matter where your faith lies. And- if – when your always afraid of it – then you’re not fully living…. That verse Psalms 23:4 points out the true fact Death is everywhere constantly threatening. To me that suns up depression pretty well too. Depression is a sickness based on fear, self worth ect… Always there hiding in the shadows waiting and wanting to attack! That sums up a lot actually.
With that said, It has not been easy for me to open up, let alone write for quite awhile now.
I haven’t been depressed, but I’ve been in the shadows of depression. For over a year now honestly. Not just because of Dad, but other things as well. I haven’t even touched my books in months. If you know me and follow me, you know how important they are to me. It has taken me weeks just to write this post. I have been emotionally and a bit physically feeling like I am running on fumes- out of gas.
Depression, fear, anxiety, and emotions, seems to been running rampant. Fear, especially of the unknown, is really trying to take center stage. For a while it was successful at it. Not just for me, for so many otheres, I know and some I love, as well peopleI have briefly crossed paths with. Fear is a powerful enemy. Just as depression, loneliness and self-worth. All the above is more powerful now then ever… These stresses’ can really wipe you out, and severely damage your life. Not just mentally and emotionally, but also they can be physically crippling. I do not say that lightly. 😒
Usually its best to go talk to someone. I’ve got God, Jesus, and The HolySpirit. For that. This is my go to verse, the one I live by. “The Devil comes to steal, kill and destroy; but I come to bring Life and to bring it Abundantly! –John 10:10 Along with “I am the good Shepherd; the good shepherd sacrifices his life for his sheep” –John 10:11
= Jesus. Jesus is my Shepard. So I will fear no evil, like Psalms 23 says. Even when it gets gets hard.
Personally I am just trying to adjust to a new lifestyle and re-figure out my place and goals. While I get through the grieving process of loosing my dad, my dog and our cat last year. I do not like to mention or talk about the rough hardships nor how negative it gets and feels at times. I don’t like to be weak or show weakness. But God showed me it is apart of the growth process and I needed to write about it.
That way I can help others like me maybe, you. I bet I am not the only one who feels down, and stressed too. But keep fighting for yourself, keep looking for the silver linings in life. They may be small but they can have huge impacts, if not now possibly later. Either way they’ll encourage you to smile even if its just for a moment. Trust me. I know. That one smile is a small step towards more smiles.
I remind myself everyday of all the accomplished and stuff I have been through.. which is a lot… Also that I have a purpose and I owe it to God, myself and my loved ones to stay positive and to keep smiling through it all. Especially when I don’t feel like it. I suggest that you also remind yourself of your own accomplishments big or small. Along with your survivals as well… I highly recommend you build yourself up especially when you don’t feel like it.
Here’s a few pictures to briefly recap some of the hardships that I have lived through.
These images are proof if I can survive this I can get through the current and forthcoming temporary challenge too.
Its hard for me to be vulnerable. I truly try to stay tough and cheerful. But when I don’t express myself I end you ferling worse then before or have an emotional moment. I tried to keep all the moments captured in images correctly ordered. It is a little hard to do via my cellphone. Sadly lost a lot of pictures due to computer and phone issues. Including the involuntary removals from social media sites. Thus, I don’t have many online anymore. I’ve learned that you just have to make the best of what you have. Easier said then done, I know… A lot of theses pictures are from previous blogs I’ve written. Some I may not have covered here but in preson, but will in my books. Don’t forget thatI and my mothe. Have some Video blogs on www.deeplyrootedinhim.net
Now here are some more positive memorable achievements and moments from my life so far…
This is not all I’ve survivied or accomplished. I don’t have the time or space to go over each event. I have years worth of posts here from instagram and Facebook as well. For you to read if you really want to know more. I promise to keep working on my books; those which I pray will change and help your life in a positive way. Not every day is promised so all I can do is give you the best I can and trust God with it.
I realized in doing this post just how much I’ve gone through and how little I’ve opened up about. Repression always cones out in some form. Sometimes not in the best complimenting ways. Thus it is better to talk about what goes on and what you neded. You matted. Don’t take the people in your life for granted, and open up to someone.
We are not alone. I have friends, family, and a wonderful man. Even if i was by myself I have my faith in God. I see Jesus as my bestfriend. With the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, in my life. As you do too if you so desire. That gives me and you a reason to keep moving forward.
I wake up and thank God for a new day. One full of possibilities and chances to spread love -joy, be productive, and spend time with the ones we care about. Its not always easy for sure, but its better to try then give up. My passion is to spread love and joy. To encourage you that you are treasure. That you are loved and mattered especially to God.
Here are some places you can reach out to if you don’t know who to talk to or don’t want to discuss anything about it with people close to you…
The mental health issues related to our lockdown and the pandemic are especially hard for people with depression. NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness have a 24 hour helpline: 800-950-6264
NAMI offers support and education programs for families and individuals living with mental health conditions. NAMI recognizes that the key concepts of recovery, resiliency and support are essential to improving the wellness and quality of life of all persons affected by mental illness.
〰️Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
Happy Thanksgiving!! 🦃 What are you – Thankful for?
😊 What are you grateful for? I have a full list below but first I am so grateful for Jesus, the important people in my life, and for science advances. I am so blessed to be here alive today! Twenty-two years ago, I went in for open heart surgery November 27th. I woke up with a completely rebuilt heart weeks later after complications. Truly Amazing! Happy Thanksgiving to you and your love ones. I love ya! Know you matter and you are loved. Someone is out there who is grateful for you.❤
I Went over the usual 10. There is just so much to be thankful for…. 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
I am thankful to God for: 1 Life 🙂 2 People 👥 and you 😆 3 A roof over my head🏘 4 Freedom and those that keep us safe ⚓🗽🚓🚒 5 Food to eat🍲 and Drinks drink☕ 6 Means to Travel 🚇🚢✈🚀🛸🚙 7 Animals, Incects, amphibians and mamals🐾🐞🦎🐳 8 Books to read📚📖🗞 9 Movies to watch📼📹🎭 10 Games to play. ⚽️🎾🏸🎲🃏🎮 11 The internet 💻 and mail.📮 12 Ways to make a living 💸and a difference.🌍
We kept it really simple this year. Communion along with a small Chinese food buffet for myself and my parents. Sometimes simple is nicer than a big fancy ordeal.
I’m still in shock that I have a book out and so many followers on Facebook! I feel blessed. My public Author page went up 52 likes in a day! I have no words to express my surprise and gratitude. I will try to be worth your time. To celebrate the huge jump of likes. I put my kindle book “God Supplies and Miracles Happen” on sale. I also found out that apple and itunes has made it so people can read kindel books. Wow! Again thank you so much! I can not stop smiling!
Happy Birthday to me!! Yes this sound a little vain, but let me explain… Today as you guessed it is my birthday! I am… If you know me I have always valued Birthdays to the max. I make big deals about everyone’s birthdays. Because Life is a blessing!! My mom’s birthday is April 6th. So I’m 33, Where has the time gone?? So mych has changed in just the past 4 years…
A Bit of History: The past few years I haven’t really celebrated my birthday. If you didn’t know my whole immediate family used to work at the “Kennedy Space Center” in Florida. Since NASA shut down the Shuttle Launches, my family’s life has been quite crazy. Everyone lost their jobs… My family started relocating spreading out moving way one by one. Everything was different. We were extremely close family. I mean every one has their issues but, its great when you have such a great family close by. So it was a huge finical and emotional strain. That was about 4 years ago.
In Jan 2011 I packed 5 suitcases and moved across country because God told me to. It wasn’t easy leaving all I knew and making that jump of faith. I took turns living with my mom and sister Amanda, living mainly out of 1 suitcase… It was quite the adventure really… Mainly because their landlords wanted to raise the rent if I would be permanently living with them. So I rode the train back and forth.. Not knowing when I’d feel relaxed and at home… But after about year I got my first rental house, which I loved! In a very small town, within a canyon. Birthdays’s were hard to get together for and often spent alone. Last year I moved again, which I was a bit angry about at first bit its been great since.
Last years Birthday was the worst I will ever remember! Because we got word my brother was very ill with cancer, so we all got together and went to go see him. (It was a blessing we were all together but, we completely ignored our birthdays.) It was very touching, very draining and over all very hard……
So when this year came along I was mad at the loss of loosing my brother, I was mad we’re all apart yet again, due to life. I only reached one goal, publishing my short story “God Supplies and Miracles Happen”. Honestly, I was depressed and angry… But I choose to buck up and clean my apt… I have come to the conclusion that cleaning brings you closer to God. You work out your stress and vent your emotions… Now I understand the saying “Cleanliness is close to godliness”.
This morning when I woke up, I was refreshed and reminded why Birthdays are so important. They are to celebrate life, life God gave us! No matter where we are, or who we are with, we need to take joy and be happy we can live another day, we have another day to work on our goals, etc.. So I am happy its my Birthday!! The day I was born into this world. Even with all the hardships I’ve endured, (not as much as some) I am happy to be alive.. Another day full of experiences…
If you are a gamer… The higher level you are the more experience you have, the better your gear and skills are… If we look at our ages as game level…. It makes aging so much better… So where ever you are, whomever your with, be happy about your age, and celebrate life to the fullest!!!
Now please excuse me while I go get ready to go run some errands and go to an early dinner with my Mom, and this weekend my sister Amanda and her Husband will come visit. And my mother and I will officially celebrate our birthdays together with all four of us… She’s the bigger person sharing her special day with me.. I am very blessed…
Ps. By the end of the year we will all be in one state again!! Even tho we may be a few hours apart its much better then across country!