Hard question to answer? It can be huh… You matter! Honestly you should be asked how you are more often. Sadly that isn’t always the case or possible. So here I am asking you.
-I am also here to say to you and I –
Getting back on topic, I thought I would stop by to say Hi. While giving an small update. I’ve thought other then just talking about what is going on around me and in the world, I’d talk to you about myself and some thoughts that I’ve had.
Where do I start… Hmmm. I am not in depression, tho I’ve been there before. Although sometimes I feel like I’m dancing on the edges of it constantly. Yet, I am always having to be on guard, staying strong looking for those silver – linings…
Which reminds me of a passage in the Bible. Stay with me please even if you don’t belive. I’m not trying to sway you. I am a beliver in Christ, yes. Even if you are not, I wanna ask you to have an open mind. I wish share something that has helped me. Maybe it will help you. Maybe not… Please at least read the blog post in its entirety. Thanks.
Psalms 23 <KJV>
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
I’m not gonna dissect the whole thing. However, I feel it’s important to share the full character. What I want to talk about is this part- “Walk in the shadows of death, I will fear no evil.” I didn’t fully understand what the shadows of death meant for many years but now I feel like I do. I remember it like yesterday. I almost ten years ago, I was driving through a canyon. It was a sunny day out but the canyon cast a complete shadow over the long road that I was driving. Then suddenly it clicked for me. To me, that verse meant constantly surrounded by death, yet not dead. Not to be morbid, but true…
My life kinda drives that point home. I’ve had so many near death and serious life threatening situations; due to heath as well as just living.
Do you want a current example being surrounded by the threat of death. Many people would say covid (whatever you want to call it.) is right now the major death threat. Many would also say that it is everywhere and its breathing down our necks constantly… It is a threat in so many ways. A perfect example for my topic. We try to live on but everywhere and everybody effective, affected, and talking about it. Why… Due to covid our lives have been turned upside – down and inside – out. Why? Because the threat of death is scary!
This post isn’t about covid tho. I am just trying to make a point the fear of death is truly scary. You never bern afraid of death before, never had it thrown inbyour face so dramatically. Lets be real death is scary point blank! No matter where your faith lies. And- if – when your always afraid of it – then you’re not fully living…. That verse Psalms 23:4 points out the true fact Death is everywhere constantly threatening. To me that suns up depression pretty well too. Depression is a sickness based on fear, self worth ect… Always there hiding in the shadows waiting and wanting to attack! That sums up a lot actually.
With that said, It has not been easy for me to open up, let alone write for quite awhile now.
I haven’t been depressed, but I’ve been in the shadows of depression. For over a year now honestly. Not just because of Dad, but other things as well. I haven’t even touched my books in months. If you know me and follow me, you know how important they are to me. It has taken me weeks just to write this post. I have been emotionally and a bit physically feeling like I am running on fumes- out of gas.
Depression, fear, anxiety, and emotions, seems to been running rampant. Fear, especially of the unknown, is really trying to take center stage. For a while it was successful at it. Not just for me, for so many otheres, I know and some I love, as well peopleI have briefly crossed paths with. Fear is a powerful enemy. Just as depression, loneliness and self-worth. All the above is more powerful now then ever… These stresses’ can really wipe you out, and severely damage your life. Not just mentally and emotionally, but also they can be physically crippling. I do not say that lightly. 😒
Usually its best to go talk to someone. I’ve got God, Jesus, and The HolySpirit. For that. This is my go to verse, the one I live by. “The Devil comes to steal, kill and destroy; but I come to bring Life and to bring it Abundantly! –John 10:10 Along with “I am the good Shepherd; the good shepherd sacrifices his life for his sheep” –John 10:11
= Jesus. Jesus is my Shepard. So I will fear no evil, like Psalms 23 says. Even when it gets gets hard.
Personally I am just trying to adjust to a new lifestyle and re-figure out my place and goals. While I get through the grieving process of loosing my dad, my dog and our cat last year. I do not like to mention or talk about the rough hardships nor how negative it gets and feels at times. I don’t like to be weak or show weakness. But God showed me it is apart of the growth process and I needed to write about it.
That way I can help others like me maybe, you. I bet I am not the only one who feels down, and stressed too. But keep fighting for yourself, keep looking for the silver linings in life. They may be small but they can have huge impacts, if not now possibly later. Either way they’ll encourage you to smile even if its just for a moment. Trust me. I know. That one smile is a small step towards more smiles.
I remind myself everyday of all the accomplished and stuff I have been through.. which is a lot… Also that I have a purpose and I owe it to God, myself and my loved ones to stay positive and to keep smiling through it all. Especially when I don’t feel like it. I suggest that you also remind yourself of your own accomplishments big or small. Along with your survivals as well… I highly recommend you build yourself up especially when you don’t feel like it.
Here’s a few pictures to briefly recap some of the hardships that I have lived through.
These images are proof if I can survive this I can get through the current and forthcoming temporary challenge too.
Its hard for me to be vulnerable. I truly try to stay tough and cheerful. But when I don’t express myself I end you ferling worse then before or have an emotional moment. I tried to keep all the moments captured in images correctly ordered. It is a little hard to do via my cellphone. Sadly lost a lot of pictures due to computer and phone issues. Including the involuntary removals from social media sites. Thus, I don’t have many online anymore. I’ve learned that you just have to make the best of what you have. Easier said then done, I know… A lot of theses pictures are from previous blogs I’ve written. Some I may not have covered here but in preson, but will in my books. Don’t forget thatI and my mothe. Have some Video blogs on www.deeplyrootedinhim.net
Now here are some more positive memorable achievements and moments from my life so far…
This is not all I’ve survivied or accomplished. I don’t have the time or space to go over each event. I have years worth of posts here from instagram and Facebook as well. For you to read if you really want to know more. I promise to keep working on my books; those which I pray will change and help your life in a positive way. Not every day is promised so all I can do is give you the best I can and trust God with it.
I realized in doing this post just how much I’ve gone through and how little I’ve opened up about. Repression always cones out in some form. Sometimes not in the best complimenting ways. Thus it is better to talk about what goes on and what you neded. You matted. Don’t take the people in your life for granted, and open up to someone.
We are not alone. I have friends, family, and a wonderful man. Even if i was by myself I have my faith in God. I see Jesus as my bestfriend. With the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, in my life. As you do too if you so desire. That gives me and you a reason to keep moving forward.
I wake up and thank God for a new day. One full of possibilities and chances to spread love -joy, be productive, and spend time with the ones we care about. Its not always easy for sure, but its better to try then give up. My passion is to spread love and joy. To encourage you that you are treasure. That you are loved and mattered especially to God.
Here are some places you can reach out to if you don’t know who to talk to or don’t want to discuss anything about it with people close to you…
The mental health issues related to our lockdown and the pandemic are especially hard for people with depression. NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness have a 24 hour helpline: 800-950-6264
NAMI offers support and education programs for families and individuals living with mental health conditions. NAMI recognizes that the key concepts of recovery, resiliency and support are essential to improving the wellness and quality of life of all persons affected by mental illness.
〰️Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
First of all I want to say that I am sorry for not posting more. Even tho writing gives me joy and fulfillment, I just haven’t had the desire for it as of late. I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions and life changes. My heart is still healing from the losses this year. I won’t go into them at this time, I will in the future. I did not want my work to be brought down to the level I was on. It is not is place I wish anyone to be in. Not only that but there is real chaos going on in our country and world.
Usually I do a reflection of the year and all things good for Christmas. Then around New Year’s I discuss all that I want to see and accomplish. I had full intention of doing just that. Evey time I tried, I just couldn’t put my thoughts and feelings into words. Honestly, my heart just wasn’t in it. I did start and do still have some blog drafts.
However, they are not really life related. Mostly all just game talk. I’m sure those will be fun. I’ll get around to posting them probably in Febuarry. I again I just haven’t had the desire to write. Shoker I know!! Here’s why…
God willing. I say that very seriously. So much is going on right now the last thing on my mind has been sitting at a computer. Every day is so important and every person is a gift. I am still fighting my own sadness. Yet also saddened by all the hate and division going on right now all around the world.
It isn’t right nor healthy… I was raised that our words and our actions matter… That we have to be productive, and responsible. We have to be people of our word, loyal, honest, and examples of Jesus’s love. Why? Because it is right – Because it makes a difference and Because it is what would Horner God. He sent Jesus His so for us to be blessed out of love. (John3:16) We are to treat others how we wish to be treated. You say you may not care… But I thinks you do… No-one likes being neglected and treated poorly.
You nay not feel like you deserve love, nor feel loved. However you are loved and no one does. That’s why Jesus did what he did for us!!!
Now back to tbe chaos…. I still have a strong faith in God. Despite all the drama, and conflicts going around. It is so much more then a game of he said she said. People are attacking people, friends turning aginst one another over various reasons big and small. An example being: difference of opinion. I don’t want nor approve of violence or hate crimes.
People are not communicating well, even on the same sides. Things are being taken out of content and some are being cut off and silenced. For what? I am truly scared of the future at hand. We all have a choices to make…
I am not happy about all the forced silences going on. It just doesn’t feel right. No matter what side your on. Violence and muteing has never been a good thing in my opinion. I won’t go further into that. I am glad I can freely share my words with you all still. I love our country and I’m very concerned about the future of it. We all have choices to make.
All I can do is be myself, stay positive, stay strong and keep praying. I hope we find some positive chances soon. Remember that you matter. You may not feel like you do, but I’m telling you that you are a treasure. You may not see it but the ones around you do. Even if they don’t tell you. I am telling you right now-
I encourage you to seek reasons to smile. Even if the reasons are small. Remind those you care about how much they matter to you as well. Try not to stay angry or hurt others on purpose. Treat others how you wish to be treated. Every day you wake up is gift. It may not be easy but we have to move forward. We do that one step at a time. We may not be happy and hardships are sure to come. But you can move forward if you choose to. It is harder to let life pass you by and have regrets Dont live a life of regret and anger.
We have to encourage eachother and set good examples of Christ Jesus’s love. Be sure sisters and brothers in Christ we are being watched and judged. We are humans but we are called to spread the gospel and we can only do so by developing a personal reallationship, truly knowing Jesus as our friend and reading God’s word the Bible.
Thank you for stopping by and giving me a moment if your time to share my thoughts and feelings with you. I am truly grateful for you.