Hard question to answer? It can be huh… You matter! Honestly you should be asked how you are more often. Sadly that isn’t always the case or possible. So here I am asking you.
-I am also here to say to you and I –
Getting back on topic, I thought I would stop by to say Hi. While giving an small update. I’ve thought other then just talking about what is going on around me and in the world, I’d talk to you about myself and some thoughts that I’ve had.
Where do I start… Hmmm. I am not in depression, tho I’ve been there before. Although sometimes I feel like I’m dancing on the edges of it constantly. Yet, I am always having to be on guard, staying strong looking for those silver – linings…
Which reminds me of a passage in the Bible. Stay with me please even if you don’t belive. I’m not trying to sway you. I am a beliver in Christ, yes. Even if you are not, I wanna ask you to have an open mind. I wish share something that has helped me. Maybe it will help you. Maybe not… Please at least read the blog post in its entirety. Thanks.
Psalms 23 <KJV>
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
I’m not gonna dissect the whole thing. However, I feel it’s important to share the full character. What I want to talk about is this part- “Walk in the shadows of death, I will fear no evil.” I didn’t fully understand what the shadows of death meant for many years but now I feel like I do. I remember it like yesterday. I almost ten years ago, I was driving through a canyon. It was a sunny day out but the canyon cast a complete shadow over the long road that I was driving. Then suddenly it clicked for me. To me, that verse meant constantly surrounded by death, yet not dead. Not to be morbid, but true…
My life kinda drives that point home. I’ve had so many near death and serious life threatening situations; due to heath as well as just living.
Do you want a current example being surrounded by the threat of death. Many people would say covid (whatever you want to call it.) is right now the major death threat. Many would also say that it is everywhere and its breathing down our necks constantly… It is a threat in so many ways. A perfect example for my topic. We try to live on but everywhere and everybody effective, affected, and talking about it. Why… Due to covid our lives have been turned upside – down and inside – out. Why? Because the threat of death is scary!
This post isn’t about covid tho. I am just trying to make a point the fear of death is truly scary. You never bern afraid of death before, never had it thrown inbyour face so dramatically. Lets be real death is scary point blank! No matter where your faith lies. And- if – when your always afraid of it – then you’re not fully living…. That verse Psalms 23:4 points out the true fact Death is everywhere constantly threatening. To me that suns up depression pretty well too. Depression is a sickness based on fear, self worth ect… Always there hiding in the shadows waiting and wanting to attack! That sums up a lot actually.
With that said, It has not been easy for me to open up, let alone write for quite awhile now.
I haven’t been depressed, but I’ve been in the shadows of depression. For over a year now honestly. Not just because of Dad, but other things as well. I haven’t even touched my books in months. If you know me and follow me, you know how important they are to me. It has taken me weeks just to write this post. I have been emotionally and a bit physically feeling like I am running on fumes- out of gas.
Depression, fear, anxiety, and emotions, seems to been running rampant. Fear, especially of the unknown, is really trying to take center stage. For a while it was successful at it. Not just for me, for so many otheres, I know and some I love, as well peopleI have briefly crossed paths with. Fear is a powerful enemy. Just as depression, loneliness and self-worth. All the above is more powerful now then ever… These stresses’ can really wipe you out, and severely damage your life. Not just mentally and emotionally, but also they can be physically crippling. I do not say that lightly. 😒
Usually its best to go talk to someone. I’ve got God, Jesus, and The HolySpirit. For that. This is my go to verse, the one I live by. “The Devil comes to steal, kill and destroy; but I come to bring Life and to bring it Abundantly! –John 10:10 Along with “I am the good Shepherd; the good shepherd sacrifices his life for his sheep” –John 10:11
= Jesus. Jesus is my Shepard. So I will fear no evil, like Psalms 23 says. Even when it gets gets hard.
Personally I am just trying to adjust to a new lifestyle and re-figure out my place and goals. While I get through the grieving process of loosing my dad, my dog and our cat last year. I do not like to mention or talk about the rough hardships nor how negative it gets and feels at times. I don’t like to be weak or show weakness. But God showed me it is apart of the growth process and I needed to write about it.
That way I can help others like me maybe, you. I bet I am not the only one who feels down, and stressed too. But keep fighting for yourself, keep looking for the silver linings in life. They may be small but they can have huge impacts, if not now possibly later. Either way they’ll encourage you to smile even if its just for a moment. Trust me. I know. That one smile is a small step towards more smiles.
I remind myself everyday of all the accomplished and stuff I have been through.. which is a lot… Also that I have a purpose and I owe it to God, myself and my loved ones to stay positive and to keep smiling through it all. Especially when I don’t feel like it. I suggest that you also remind yourself of your own accomplishments big or small. Along with your survivals as well… I highly recommend you build yourself up especially when you don’t feel like it.
Here’s a few pictures to briefly recap some of the hardships that I have lived through.
These images are proof if I can survive this I can get through the current and forthcoming temporary challenge too.
Its hard for me to be vulnerable. I truly try to stay tough and cheerful. But when I don’t express myself I end you ferling worse then before or have an emotional moment. I tried to keep all the moments captured in images correctly ordered. It is a little hard to do via my cellphone. Sadly lost a lot of pictures due to computer and phone issues. Including the involuntary removals from social media sites. Thus, I don’t have many online anymore. I’ve learned that you just have to make the best of what you have. Easier said then done, I know… A lot of theses pictures are from previous blogs I’ve written. Some I may not have covered here but in preson, but will in my books. Don’t forget thatI and my mothe. Have some Video blogs on www.deeplyrootedinhim.net
Now here are some more positive memorable achievements and moments from my life so far…
This is not all I’ve survivied or accomplished. I don’t have the time or space to go over each event. I have years worth of posts here from instagram and Facebook as well. For you to read if you really want to know more. I promise to keep working on my books; those which I pray will change and help your life in a positive way. Not every day is promised so all I can do is give you the best I can and trust God with it.
I realized in doing this post just how much I’ve gone through and how little I’ve opened up about. Repression always cones out in some form. Sometimes not in the best complimenting ways. Thus it is better to talk about what goes on and what you neded. You matted. Don’t take the people in your life for granted, and open up to someone.
We are not alone. I have friends, family, and a wonderful man. Even if i was by myself I have my faith in God. I see Jesus as my bestfriend. With the Father, Son, Holy Spirit, in my life. As you do too if you so desire. That gives me and you a reason to keep moving forward.
I wake up and thank God for a new day. One full of possibilities and chances to spread love -joy, be productive, and spend time with the ones we care about. Its not always easy for sure, but its better to try then give up. My passion is to spread love and joy. To encourage you that you are treasure. That you are loved and mattered especially to God.
Here are some places you can reach out to if you don’t know who to talk to or don’t want to discuss anything about it with people close to you…
The mental health issues related to our lockdown and the pandemic are especially hard for people with depression. NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness have a 24 hour helpline: 800-950-6264
NAMI offers support and education programs for families and individuals living with mental health conditions. NAMI recognizes that the key concepts of recovery, resiliency and support are essential to improving the wellness and quality of life of all persons affected by mental illness.
〰️Lifeline We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.
I am stuck in my current book. “A Crimson Star” I knew what I wanted but now I am not sure how to go about it. And some told me my book was slow to start.. I am worried I need to redo the way I have it written.. I am gonna wait till I get feed back from the editor before I decide.. And I guess keep going as I am.. ARG this is frustrating though.. Why is it so hard to find people to beta read for me????
As for “Miracles Still Happen Today” It is going good. God seems to give me what I need when I am looking for a verse or something.. God is so good..
I wish I could just go some where that I could just work on my books with no distractions. If I could I think at least one book would be done by now.. However I love my nephew and being his nanny and before that things kept comming up. I trust God in his timing yet I do need to work on it more.. And less going out.
I just found out my cozen has a published book ! I am so proud of her.
I am pleased to tell you every day this week I have been writing.. That is the most work I have done in months. It has been a pain the ass to do too.. My desk top is still broken and my laptop keys are faulting. Luckily I have an external keyboard from my down desk top that I can use, but I have to sit in odd positions and hold it on my lap which is some what easier then leaning over my “laptop desk” but it is more work.. I have dropped my poor keyboard five times today.. 😦 I love my equipment and think it is a blessing that I can do this at all.
Ok moving on I am sure you want to know how my books are coming.
“Miracles Still Happen Today” or “Believing is Harder Then You think” 1st chapter is DONE!!! I mean done done!! no more need to reedit anything.. And a editor saw it. Chapter two is almost DONE DONE. I had some details wrong. I was a newborn, how am I supposed to know everything.. XD So I fixed them and ended up writing several more pages. I just need to finish up the last two pages and then I will be done with Chapter 2.. Chapter three is done but I need to proof read it and I hope to send both to my new friend editor Monday.. That will be about 50 pages for her to read and I am not done. It is flowing out so nicely, if I keep at it It should definitely be done this year like I want.
“A Crimson Star” I have chapters 1-4 done I am just proof reading them and I will also sent to the same woman to edit.
Both books are about 60+ pages and about 6 chapters… I can not wait to share them with you!! I will post what I have for both first chapters tonight or in the morning for you to get a taste.. I already have the first chapter of the Crimson Star up but please wait to read it till I post that I have updated it.. That is an old draft..
I have been extremely inspired lately to write. Yet still have been able to settle down enough to focus on my thoughts to get them out. I have been running around like crazy inside my mind. Outwardly I am sleepy and antsy. I need to buckle down and finish my room. I need to also take some stuff to storage, sort my cloths for donations again, go on a road trip to see my Cardiologist, sort out some personal issues, try to fix some friendships while keeping the ones I hold most dear. Plus my baby sister had a baby on June 2end! Conner Roy is now 1 month old! Woot! I am so happy for her, I am so glad he is in our lives… And that is only part of it… But I am working on what I need to get done! And am working on the books, but slowly right now.
So for book work here is what has been done the past 3 months:
* “Life is Harder Than you Think” – Has been re-named “Miracles still Happen Today” I wrote another chapter now I have about 40 pages and still have a ways to go. This HAS be my main project for now. I won’t get it done if I keep following impulses to work on the other books I am working on. Which is exactly what I have been doing.
* “The Crimson Kiss” is now “The Crimson Star” I wrote another two chapters in that = about 60 pages.. I have a total of about four chapters now.
* I LOST and FOUND my main book “The Princess and The Mirror” It seems I accidentally deleted all my back ups………. So I though.. (A case of them being in the wrong folders) But guess what I just found It on my old flash drive. I am not sure how much of my Re-writes I lost. But Thank GOD I found them. He is so amazing!! I could have restarted it, but luckily I didn’t loose it after all!
* “Issiboo” is now renamed “Mission Fred” other then that no real work on that one.
* I started three other books. “Musical Mishap”, and two others which are on hold. (I can not seem to remembered the names right now, but they are awesome names.) All three have 1st chapters done with summaries for me. Two are set in current times. One is set in a more castle age. That one started a s a short story and just keeps getting longer.
Those are only the current updates. I have more books. I lost the list I once made so I will re-make it in a week or so if you want to know exactly what I have.
That is about all. I am off to dinner with my family and then to pick out Conner Roy’s new baby prints!! Take care! God bless YOU today and always!